I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
