pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
