the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
