sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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