Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
whose ass print is on the piano?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
