At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
