I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
