This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
