So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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