Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
