____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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