dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
