i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
