I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
