There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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