dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
