quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
