Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
