The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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