I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my shit smells like andre
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
