So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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