Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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