First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
