Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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