an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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