I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
