Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
