Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
