I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
