when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
