First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
