I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
