Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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