Is it because I queefed?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I believe in your delicious
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
