sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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