i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
