You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
even my farts smell like vagina
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
