I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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