took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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