I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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