she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
