Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
