No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
