i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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