She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
