I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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