i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
