there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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