let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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