i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
