do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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