I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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