Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
In America we eat man semen.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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