yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
