after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
