Please, let me fuck your mom
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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