Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize