he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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