It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
