I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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