what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
