this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
