DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You pole danced in your parka.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
