you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
