If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
