This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
