I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
