Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
