ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
