Kiss
Puke
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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