Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
