I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
